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Friday, September 29, 2006

It's not that I have a problem or anything, staying up late is inevitable in university life, rushing essays, improving projects. There are no such things as copying what friends are doing. Do a survey around the campus and ask if anyone sleeps before 12 midnight. I know it's bad for my health and all what's-not but I am not a little girl anymore. Sometimes, staying up late is not an option, especially when there are discussions which the available time was then because the rest have got their own activities in the day and I am not blaming them, I understand that. I know I will always be that 8 year-old in your heart but, please, try to understand that it's not easy in trying to fulfill and perfect the expectations that you have always wanted me to be.

I wish you could be selfish sometimes, do something for yourself, not let others hinder the plans that you had made. Chances like these will never appear twice in a lifetime so make use of them. I still have a long time ahead of me but you'll be, like you have said, retiring in two years time. Grab this chance to explore the world while you still can, financially and physically. Do not waste the chances you have right now just because of us. I hope you will appreciate what I meant, I really do.

You may never know this or even come across this but deep down inside I really do care about you, just that I am not a great person when it comes to showing it out in the open. The reason? Because I was never brought up to be in this way, to be open about my feelings and emotions. The conservative nature of bringing me up has suppressed many of my thoughts and views about things which you have had opposed to, in the past and in the present. Blaming on my upbringing is not a good excuse; partially it's also my fault for not breaking out of that mentality. I was afraid that anything that opposes your thought would make you angry and upset and thus conformed myself to your expectations of me. Someday, perhaps, I will let it all out when I have to courage to do so.

I wish to see the world through eyes of Innocence...
4:00 pm